Monday, November 19, 2012

The Facebook Outrage



Monday’s are always difficult and I was going lazily with the day. I was chatting with a friend and he mentioned that two girls in Mumbai were charged by cops for putting a status on Facebook.  When I looked at the news I found out that the status was something in the line of - People take birth and die daily and one should not observe a Bandh for that. She and her friend were booked under Section 295 (a) of the IPC (for hurting religious sentiments) and Section 64 (a) of the Information Technology Act, 2000. Her friend was booked because she liked her status. Later during the day, a Retired Judge, Supreme Court of India sent a letter to CM of Maharashtra and when no response was received he sent a reminder e-mail. Initially girls were ordered to be sent for a judicial remand of 15 days but later due to the media and social pressure they were freed on a bond of Rupees 15000.
This post has got less to do with Bala Sahab or if the Girl’s status was right or not. The post is meant only for our Freedom of speech and expression. A month back someone on twitter said something to Chidambaram’s son and next day he was arrested. Following it, few days later a person was arrested for taking pictures of Chidambaram. Apparently in West Bengal whoever asks questions is labeled as a Maoist. What has truly gone wrong with the largest democracy in the world?
The way things have changed in last 1 year can be felt by citizens and more by netizens. All of a sudden Government and media have started looking into social networks. There is nothing bad if Government and everyone start looking into social media. Social media directly gives you a direct and fresh opinion of people about what’s happening in their life and country. Government should definitely look and understand people mandate, again print and electronic media should raise netizens concerns. Ironical this is not what is happening. A few people over Twitter and Facebook are doing job of being social restrictors. These people's job is to keep down anything posted against their product/parties/people.
Not the product companies but political parties are definitely afraid of social media. Still they have not embraced it and they want to control it. I need not to say about the power of social media. China has controlled internet and social media because they are afraid of an uprising. I won’t even discuss about the much happened uprising in Egypt which started from a Facebook status. Similarly I will not point out the fact that much of support for Anna’s Lokpal was generated from social networks and that is how a huge mass was gathered at Delhi.
My dear Government/Kapil Sibbal, if you really want to tap the youth, the India where average age of 50% population is below 25, there is a need to connect. Government needs to come down to social network, to promote healthy debate and increase participation. Please don’t act on outrage of people over Social Network, it will never curb the freedom of speech and expression instead you will always bear the brunt of people for doing this stupidity. New generation might look stupid (and sometimes they are) but no one likes you as well. People have habit of forming an opinion and no one likes to get into the details. Please don’t outrage the already frustrated Indians who take out their anger on social networks instead of walking around the streets. Else believe me it’s going to be bad, seriously bad.

PS – 1: Going by logic of filing police report against a status, entire India should file a defamation suit against Rober Vadra who complained about ‘Mango Man’.
PS – 2: Someday when I get my hand on Aakash, I will like to see if they have Facebook/Twitter Apps installed or not.

Image Courtesy - http://blur-marketing.com/blog/business-or-pleasure-a-guide-to-managing-multiple-facebook-and-twitter-accounts/

Tuesday, October 30, 2012

Cabinet Reshuffle – A Grand Circus



An ordinary man a Frustrated Indian, who does not know what Cabinet or State Minister is, must have seen the circus which was set up by Congress this Sunday. This was the final shuffling of the cards way before the Grand Game of Poker which is also known as Lok Sabha Elections 2014.
SleepingGhost is not an expert on Politics though he always tried to make it sound otherwise but looking at this political juggling, SleepingGhost started thinking like a politician who has to keep his party and people satisfied. A political outfit which has to show that they mean business and no one can hinder them from taking strong decisions. Yes that is what they must have been thinking during the reshuffle, must have been jubilant after it, that how easily they can screw the people and deviate their attention from corruption to nascent stages of politics.
I am definitely not the voice of India, but I think that I am frustrated enough to speak on behalf of other Frustrated Indians. When I saw this cabinet reshuffle I was sulk listening to Jan-Gan-Man and seeing the people who have not only tarnished themselves but us as well, yes “us as well”, these people are representing our mandate in Parliament and we are equally responsible for letting them rape us repeatedly.
The first one who caught my attention was Twitter Kroor (Shashi Tharoor), this person was out from the ministry for more than 2 Years on charges of benefitting his Girl Friend Sunanda Pushkar from stake in IPL Kochi Team. At that time Sunanda Pushkar was a mere girl friend but her solidarity to Twitter Kroor was later awarded with marriage (LOL). Personally I like Kroor, in a way he represents young India who rarely goes to vote but the charges against him were never dropped and may be Congress thought of those 2 years as a correctional vanwaas and brought him back.
The other person with (dis)abilities who caught not only my attention but even attention of people having IQ level equivalent to Arindam Chaudhury. The Great Balwaan Khurshid, he is definitely Balwan. Not only his blood boils but he has got accented English and is a fan of “18 Till I Die” from Bryan Adams. The reason he has been awarded an upgrade to ministry is that, he is a pure sycophant who will even die for Muniya Ji (Sonia Ji). Balwaan who is congested with corruption charges, has been spanked like a little kid by media, gets a promotion and surprises everyone. It also sends message that be a bootlicker loyalist and we will reward you for your deeds. I read a lot about him and Hina Rabbani on social networks and I have complete faith over information available in social network.
Speaking about Funn-ish Tewari (Manish) I truly respect him. He is the rightful choice to replace imbecility of Dogvijay Singh. It sounds funny and definitely it is funny, that he has been awarded Information and Broadcasting Ministry. I am running out of synonyms of word sycophant and to portray how good my vocabulary is I went to thesaurus and founded a word called “lackey” which can be eventually used for synonyms of attendant, butler etc. So now I have a word and expressing my right to speech I can boldly say that Funnish Tewari serves bed tea to Rahul Gandhi and that tea is the reason why Amul Kid is so retarded.
K. Rahman Khan replacement of Balwaan Khurshid, is a big name and representative of a minority. Since K. Rahman Khan is a BIG name I will just shorten it and call him KRK. Now do I need to say anything more? By the way if anyone does not know KRK, he/she needs to brush up his/her social networking skills.
I have heard that Chiranjeevi the Lungi Clad Mega Star has been awarded tourism ministry on recommendation of Pratibha Patil. Being a believer I always believe whatever people say to me. Even I have complete faith in Arindam Chaudhury but that is another topic which I will cover someday when I will discuss education for stupid youth in India.
An important ministry which was always in hands of RailGadi Didi has been given to Pawan Kumar Bansal, he looks like a media shy person, and I went to wiki, was not able to find much on him. May be he is skillfully clean or an undercover agent. But his surname reminds me of Bansal Classes which promises confirm birth in IIT. May be he is one of those Bansal who turned into politician after failing HSS exam.
Legacy politics is something which I understand and hope Sachin and Jyotiraditya understand too. Some media person was saying that Jyotiraditya inclusion is surprising because he has never participated in rally, debate or parliament. So what dude? Get your facts straight, the Blue Eyed Amul Kid of Indian Politics never participated in Parliament and is praised everywhere for his mental sharpness.
Moily has become oily and Reddy has been left Red faced. A definite move of Congress has been to award more to South than North. This reshuffle was to award the loyalists, to make a point that Congress is not afraid of any allegations unless proven, and to strengthen the Southern part of subcontinent. Everyone has observed that the states where Congress presence is weak are not participating in this reshuffle. This is a cold message to INC members, get us seats and we will reward you. If you cannot get us seats then atleast participate in the Mega Circus and prove with your blood that you are a dire loyalist.
PS – Amul Kid has not participated again in the government. How can he poise for PM when he is so afraid of getting his hands tainted? How long you are planning to call youself youth? When my Dad moved to his 40’s, he started calling me young. He gave me all of his funky shirts and moved to sober colors. Amul Kid, when you are moving?

Image Courtesy - http://ambrish-more.blogspot.in/2010/04/long-term-memory-loss.html 

Thursday, October 11, 2012

Nitin Gadkari: The Hulk That Doesn't Smash



And we thought that a new BJP President will come to fill the biggest void created by ‘The Hulk’ (Gadkari) but so called hardliners like RSS always have their way in Country Politics. As always RSS pushed The Hulk’s name and BJP had to comply. Anyway BJP was short of options, as they have been from last 8 Years. Speaking about The Hulk, he is not a routine vociferous fellow who bashes everything which comes from opposition. He has a keen shrewdness and has been in politics since 1976, when we all were in our nappies. The Hulk was an early starter; at the age of 21 he started his political career from ABVP, which has recently lost elections in DU.
Once Hulk joined the main foray there was no turning back. He actively participated in all kinds of roles given to him with time, be it ABVP Secretary, Cabinet Minister in PWD or Presiding the BJP Maharashtra State unit at the age of 47. If you look closely at the career path of ‘The Hulk’ then you cannot dismiss the fact that he has been a climber. In spite of his size he moved forward in leadership. There must be something in him that compelled both BJP and RSS to make amendment to party’s constitution, and to reelect him as Party President.
Since The Hulk is already christened as President of diminishing BJP, his principal agenda should be, to spearhead the campaign against Congress. Pardon me if am wrong, as I am not that upbeat on politics, but I have not watched anyone being smashed by The Hulk. Blame it on his astuteness or inertia, but am not able to get the hidden agenda, or the meticulous plan, which Hulk has envisioned for upcoming Lok Sabha Elections.
Over the eight year period of Congress rule never, yes NEVER, BJP was able to oust Congress in anything. A nation which strives on issues, scams are true fodder for an opposition to disintegrate the ruling party. Speak about the CWG, 2G, Coalgate etc, in everything BJP has missed chances to uproot the current government. It clearly shows that there are gaps in higher leadership. I would have expected ‘The Hulk’ to actively participate in such uprooting, and to give a clear set of instruction to his party members. Leave about opposing the current Government ‘The Hulk’ has not even taken credit for the BJP governance. People don’t know the total number of states where BJP is ruling. Leave Gujrat state, everyone knows what Gujrat is, because of Charismatic personality of Modi and his active participation in media. Just for the sake of readers I will put it here, that BJP is ruling in six states and shares power in four other states.
The previous defeat in Lok Sabha can be blamed to Rajnath Singh and Lal Krishna Advani, but the 2014 defeat will be christened solely to ‘The Hulk’. Only once BJP has shown some true mettle, and that was when they disrupted the current monsoon session of the parliament because of coal-gate. Then also they were criticized both by pro BJP and non-BJP people for wastage of tax payer’s exchequer. Understanding the pulse and catching the nerve of people is what ‘Hulk’, and his party has to understand. Show some resilience and mark my words you will be back in the Game.
In my previous blog I have mentioned, that in 2008 polls it was not Congress win but lack of stability which pushed Congress back in the driving seat. Kejriwal has mentioned it multiple times that BJP is ‘B’ Team of Congress. Tell me Mr. Hulk if there is already an A Team then why people will go for B Team. People are desperately waiting for that time when BJP used to be the main opposition. 2014 is upfront and India desperately needs an opposition. Not only an opposition but a dignified opposition, that speaks sense, and corners the archaic Gandhian Government. Just wishing if only ‘The Hulk’ could muster all his anger and channelize it in to the dying veins of the organization called BJP.
And yes my wife just told me that 'The Hulk' sued Congress’s Alsatian (Digvijay Singh) for some remark of his. Well, that means he takes the Alsatian seriously. Sad.

Tuesday, October 02, 2012

The Barbarians of Bribes



The largest nation of the subcontinent has got everything, be it religion, politicians, money, wrath, Frustrated Indians or Bribes. The nation which we swore to protect after 1947, runs with Bribes. Sometimes I think it is in our veins. Hereby, I am proposing some recommendations for both bribe takers, and givers on this auspicious day of Gandhi/Shastri Jayanti. Going forward this will help our nation to become a clean and honest state in terms of Bribes.
  1. There should be a limit to upper and lower bounds of bribes : It becomes difficult for poor people to match up to the bribe of a rich person. There should be absolutely no discrimination based on richness/poorness of the briber.
  2. The Bribes should be non-taxable and classified as white money : This will definitely help to move money back into circulation. As we know people hide their stash. They will at least come out in open and spend the cash for market growth. The non-taxable part is put across because; anyway someone has already paid the tax for bribe money. The Bribe is actually hard earned money, since people work day and night to earn it.
  3. Honesty in Bribe : If a person takes bribe he should fulfill his/her promise. There should not be any cheating once a person has taken bribe. The Person has to honor whatever he/she has promised.
  1. Bribes given to TTE’s/Policemen below sub-inspector level/Other lower level Government employees: These should fall under section 80-C of Income Tax i.e. bribes should be tax free for bribe giver. It should be noted that for the lowest possible salaries TTE's and Policemen are working and that is the reason bribe should be classified under charity
  2. Government should create awards like Bribe Ratan, Bribe Shri etc for the people who have worked exemplary in the field of bribes.
  3. Bribe Rules and Regulations should be made under supervision of Supreme Court of India: A committee can be postulated for this. Moreover these rules and regulations should be introduced in school syllabus so that nation’s legacy can be remembered and continued.
  4. There should be reservation in bribes as well for SC/ST/OBC/Minorities/Female/Senior Citizen etc: A clear set of guidelines from a bench of Mayawati and Mulayam will definitely help people.
  5. Anti-Bribe people should be sent to correctional facilities where only Bribe prevails. This will clear up their mind and will help their move to mainstream and realistic India.
  6. There is no number 4 in the list and you did not even notice, because I was bribed to write only 9 points. 
More rules can be added to this post. Push the rules in your comments. Don’t forget that I am SleepingGhost and a Frustrated Indian. I am frustrated by choice and sleepy by nature. If you bribe me well, I may start writing under your name. 
And yeah finally - Gandhi Ji, if you are reading this, then you must know that we have got your picture on every currency of India. See we are trying to implement a system that would be transparent and absolutely honest.
Love you Gandhi Ji and Happy Gandhi/Shastri Day!

Tuesday, September 25, 2012

The Making of King-Maker – Bhaiyya Raja!



There is apparently no need of introduction for Crime Master GoGo (Bhaiyya Raja) but still for those who does not know him I will give a brief introduction. Crime Master GoGo’s full name is Raghuraj Pratap Singh; he is an independent MLA from Kunda, Pratapgarh, UP. Currently he is a Cabinet Minister in Toddler’s (Akhilesh Yadav) regime. 8 criminal cases are against him. I am not good statistician so I will take liberty of saying 8 ± 5 cases. He is known as “Bhaiyya Raja” among his supporters.
The first time I heard Crime Master GoGo name was from my Grand Father. My ancestral roots are from Uttar Pradesh, so politics has to come naturally to my family. I must be around 15-16 then. In a brief introduction I was told that Crime Master GoGo is a very powerful man in Pratapgarh. No one, Yes NO ONE can rule other than him in Pratapgarh District. This man holds the key to five constituencies of Pratapgarh; he has got full support even when he fields without party. He does not need A Lotus, A Haathi or A Cycle. He just needs audience to mesmerize.
It is worthwhile to understand the political frivolity of him. A BJP guy initially, helped BJP by taking out all Thakur’s to dissolve Babe’s (Mayawati) regime. In later years something happened between him and BJP, and it was BJP who started filing cases against him. Soon it was joined by Babe’s government too.
When the Softie’s party SP came into power, within 25 minutes all charges were dropped against GoGo. Its amazing ain’t it? People spend their lives fighting Indian Judiciary System and a person who was jailed in POTA act (A repealed act) get’s charges dropped against him, and that too within minutes. It was an intervention from Supreme Court that stopped State Government to dismiss charges against GoGo. It could have been a personal vendetta of Babe’s (Mayawati) Government to frame him. Looks like Babe framed lot’s of innocent person’s like GoGo in UP. Currently Toddler is asking state courts to revoke more than 4,000 cases against innocent powerless people.
It was a promise from Toddler (Akhilesh Yadav) and his government that there will be no “Gundaraj” and there will not be any tainted ministers. Nation’s irony is that Crime Master GoGo is not only Minister for Food and Civil Supplies Ministry but he has got Prison Department as well under his hood. Maybe he understands the Prison System well enough as it was his home for substantial time and moreover he was able to control elections while being in jail.
This man hold’s key to entire Pratapgarh and neighboring Bihar (Not state) constituency. There should not be even an iota of doubt that GoGo is a favorite of SP and holds sufficient clout among UP’s Thakurs. The Softie (Mulayam) is a National Kingmaker and his Kings-Man-ship draws from King-Maker’s like GoGo. It will be interesting to see in future how things shape up. As of now GoGo owns status, and it can be seen when his supporter’s with utmost surety chant –
Vote Nahi Rasgulla Hain,
Kursi Khullam Khulla Hain.

Wednesday, September 19, 2012

The Biryani King – Kasab and Beyond !



Today entire nation is discussing about the political scenario and what will happen next. This all has perhaps snatched the sheen from our Biriyani King – Kasab. In a recent development it is known that happy-go-heart Biryani King has filed a mercy plea to Pranab Da and that too in our beloved Hindi.  
Here onward I take a brief mentioning the statistics behind Mercy plea. Total 52 people have been executed in India since independence and that is the official Government record. About 30 Mercy pleas are awaiting decision from President of India. A few of them even dated back to 1992. The workflow for Presidential pardon is outlined below – 
Mercy Petition --> President of India  --> Home Ministry --> President of India --> Final Result. 
Now going by the above workflow, it is difficult to comprehend the reason of so many pending Mercy Pleas. The only reason which I can guess is that, every government is afraid to face ire’s of their political supporter’s.  Without being afraid, it can be clearly stated that Government lacks balls and keeps on appeasing the political parties across, even for the death sentences. Many of the apolitical convicts (total 35 convicts) were granted clemency during Iron Lady 2 (Pratibha Patil) regime which raised eyebrows across media and social platforms (The easiest platform where intellectuals roar). The surprise factor was that one of the pardoned convict was not even alive. Anyway the article is not about taking dig at Iron Lady 2, I can only wish her safe travel. 
There is zero prediction about case of Kasab. There won’t be any clemency for him and moreover decision might come fast for him. The reason he won’t be offered clemency is that he has no affiliation with any political party, he is not Indian and any organization(s) (other than the one’s for Human Rights) are not even thinking to come forward, because of public criticism. 
This Biryani King has to leave our MotherLand. It's strange that why Biryani King is afraid of becoming Shaheen (Shahid) and why even he is filing mercy plea. It’s a personal wish of SleepingGhost that may our Biryani King gets those "Shaheed's Perks and Privileges" in heaven, which were promised to him before attack.
Indian judicial system has anyway let you live this long, yes we know death is cruel and so do you. We don't want to see you again. Get out and get out soon Biryani King!

PS - Simple demands from SleepingGhost to President of India –
  1. These Death Row awaiting convicts already have screwed up life. Take a decision if you want to let them live or if they should be gone. Since 1992 people are waiting – Seriously?
  2. When President of India is going to confirm on the clemency of Afzal Guru, The Veerappans associates or the Khalistan Associate ?

Acknowledgement – Recent article of TOI and Internet Searches. Love you WIKI for everything.

Saturday, September 15, 2012

The Silence Breaker - Barfi !


There is not even a shred of doubt that Barfi (Man Mohan Singh) is an astute politician and one of the most educated people which Indian Politics have known. The opening line meant to convey that Barfi has got more than solid credentials for the role which he is performing. SleepingGhost has got little political bent so he is not aware about credentials of Amul Kid (Rahul Gandhi). If you are reading this, then please feel free to drop achievement of Toddler (Akhilesh Yadav) to SleepingGhost. My apologies I meant achievements of Amul Kid not Toddler. These so called young politicians all look alike to me. Toddler is anyway featuring in all cheap Tabloids today for his short term achievements. 
So yesterday it was indeed a good/bad Friday for India in terms of opening up of economy. FDI (Foreign Direct Investment) in retail and aviation. Disinvestment in Public Sectors, an increase in Diesel price, a limit to LPG and a probable rate cuts from RBI. For investors and business people this is definitely a good move. A boost to saddening economy and Sensex has already moved past 18000. The SleepingGhost’s personal opinion has been always towards liberalization and opening up of economic front which is not at expense of the poorer people. 
Moving back to the topic, this is about Barfi. The last when he took a stand and played with his allies was when UPA was dwindling with Nuclear Issues. Agreement with USA and other countries was being criticized harshly, and even brought a distrust motion in parliament. Barfi defended it, and defended it well. He ensured not only defending the government but he created such an environment in Indian Politics that there was absolute zero alternative to UPA. I will say it was not UPA win but people were to choose a lesser Devil and they opted for Barfi’s coalition, just because they were stable. I really don’t know where NDA was then, after Atal they are still in recovery phase. 
Once in a blue moon Barfi has to stop pleasing his allies and has to do real work. Voila - Oops He did it Again!!
The never stopping Anti-Maoist RailGadi (Mamta Banerjee) will perhaps be leading the front for upcoming weeks. Again it is to the Diaspora of SleepingGhost that why RailGadi has to oppose everything good. NDA is also collecting itself to meek these reforms weakly which were once their own brainchild. It is still unsure if Softie (Mulla-Yum Singh) the Shot caller will be uniting with RailGadi to throw her under the train again. There was some mention in the news about possible talks of Softie and RailGadi though. 
Over all a Brilliant move by Barfi and he mentioned about biting the bullet (Rajnikant Syndrome) and if he has to go down, he will better go down fighting. We citizen of India rarely expect such words from dear Barfi and it gives us goose bumps when Barfi roars with agility. Barfi, you are a great fellow and there would not have been any problem, if you would have disassociated yourself with the named Gandhi’s and showed some real balls to your allies and Congress. 
Hello NDA if by any chance you are reading this, I can only say that collect yourself, give yourself a leader, A FACE. Stop speculation around the country, otherwise definitely country is going to Amul Kid or some Softie! (SleepingGhost will rather refrain from mentioning “The Dogs”!)

PS - Going forward if you guys are going to read my posts, please keep yourself updated about the nick names. Soon I will stop quoting the real names in brackets, also the new names mentioned will be left for guessing.
Image Courtesy - http://www.ablble.com/2011/08/young-manmohan-singh-family-children.html. Would have loved to mention creator of this image but it's not available. If anyone comes across, the creator of this image please let us know and we will give due credits.

Wednesday, September 12, 2012

The Ever Ambitious Softie - Calling Shots !




Today it's all over the news, the Softie aka Mulayam Singh is thrashing Congress for corruption and the Coal Scam.
It is disappointing yet wonderful for people like Mulayam Singh to speak. The person in question was Chief Minister of a power less state (In terms of electricity only) for more than 8 Years. Over the time, and to set up for a larger role in Indian Politics, this Softie handed over the reins to toddler Akhilesh Yadav. I won't compare sad Amul Kid with the Toddler because any day I will pick Toddler over Amul Kid. Still power holders are within the family itself.
Just few days back this person presumably left our very own Mamta Banerjee red faced over the ire for Presidential elections. Mamta thought that she has got everything to shackle the government but she never knew that Softie is a Devil's Advocate. What was promised or how Softie Changed the tune within 2 day's, still remains behind the curtains.
Another long love association was Amar Singh; Ahh there was so much love in the families. Our KBC, Amar Singh and Softie were all splashed up in media for such a great friendship. Soon Amar Singh's own political ambitions became his own agony and he was sidelined. Amar Singh who was the reason and man to led our KBC into Softie's Fort was deserted by KBC as well. No idea where Amar Singh is these day's, the last when I saw him was when Toddler won the UP elections.
In past Softie had association with Congress, Mayawati (Am not mentioning BSP because it is my personal opinion that BSP is Mayawati), Janta Dal, he formed his own political party. As of now he has set up toddler in UP so there is not even a shred of doubt that Softie is set for the sky. The eye is for the top spot which will be vacated by Barfi (MMS). 
I personally see, that this extreme opportunist with no principal, and reason behind his political foray is going to dilute India as much as he can. The only agenda in the Softie's mind is gaining power, what-so-ever the means be.

Looking at the projections it is very likely that there will be hung parliament in 2014, and then with his usual knack, Softie is going to call shots!

Friday, April 13, 2012

कमीना मौसम !


मौसम बड़ा कमीना था. कई बार मुझे लगता था की मौसम भी  उसके मज़े ले रहा है. चढ़ी हुई भँव, नाक पे चश्मा और उस नाक पर टिप टिप बरसता पानी. साइड में वोह गांधी झोला लेकर रुपये के चार समोसे की खोज करना, मानना पड़ेगा सामान सस्ता कराना तो कोई तुमसे सीखता. रिक्शे वाले तुम्हे पहचानने लग गए थे, कई तो अनायास ही डर जाते थे क्यूंकि पिछली बार तुम एक हवालदार ले पहुचे थे. पर एक बात माननी पड़ेगी, गणित बहुत ज़ोरदार थी तुम्हारी, बस वोह तुम्हारा सदीओ पुराना कम्पास बॉक्स फेंकने का जी करता था. और तुम लगे रहते थे की वोह तुम्हारे लिए बहुत लकी था. कायेका लकी था, कुछ किये धरे तो नहीं, चले थे खोज करने, और मालूम नहीं कहा से झोला छाप मास्टर बन गए.


पर खैर तुमसे क्या ही कोई अरझता, अपनी अम्मा तक को तो बक्शे नहीं, ताव ताव में निकल लिए घर से. ठीक ही किया, पैसा तो कमाया जाता नहीं था तुमसे, घर में क्या मदद करते. अच्छी खासी शादी का रिश्ता लेके आया था. लड़की का बाप हलके में दारू का ठेका लगाता था. ज़मीन जायदाद का तो पूछो मत, रसूख रहता वोह अलग. एकलौती लड़की थी, पढाई में थोड़ी कच्ची थी. मालूम नहीं तुम कौन ज्ञान के चक्कर में पड़े रहे और देखने तक नहीं चले. दारू से घृणा है, लड़की का थोड़े कोई दोष था.

फिर माला का आगमन हो गया, तुम तो एकदम धन्य से दिखने लगे. लगा की साला जैसे जीवन में मालूम नहीं का पा गए. और तो और संगीत में रूचि उत्पन्न हो गई. अब इस उम्र में हेमंत कुमार के गाने कौन सुनता है. थोडा सुरूर वुरुर करते. पर हो गया, तुम तो तुमये हो. प्रिंसिपल साहब ने इतना सा कहा था, की लड़के को पास कर दो, बेचारे का साल खराब होगा, और उसके बाप का दिमाग. उसी के दम पर स्कूल की फंडिंग चल रही थी. तुम काये समझने वाले, हेमंत कुमार के गाने सुनते सुनते उस बेचारे के आवारा दिल को ठेस पंहुचा दिया. सुना आजकल लड़का तुम्हे बल्लम लिए ढूंढ रहा है और प्रिंसिपल साहब लाइन से तुम्हारी हर जगह ड्यूटी लगाए दे रहे है. चुनाव से लेकर जन-गणना तक. अच्छा ही है. शिक्षा देकर कौनसा तोप चलाये ले रहे थे. माला भी पूरी पगली थी, उससे कहा की समझाओ बबुआ को हर जगह फैलना-पसरना अच्छा नहीं है, पर वोह तो पूरी मीरा बनी हुई थी. लग रहा था की मांग के बोलेगी की, लाओ हमें विष पीना है कान्हा के लिए. हम कहे जाओ पड़ा होगा फिनायल ट्राय करके देख लो, जो बचने पाई तो बड़ी बदनामी होगी.

संस्कार का लेखा-जोखा हमसे न बताया करो तभी अच्छा है, बगल वाले पंडित जी को देखे हो ? एक ठो मिसिज बहार भी रखे है. पूरी पंडिताई अच्छी खासी जजमानी पर है. कही भी जाते है तो कोई पूछने नहीं जाता की एक ठो और कहा से पैदा किये है, सब नतमस्तक रहते है. गुरु पैसे का खेल है. या तो डंडा मारो नहीं तो दंड खाओ. तुमसे कहे रहे की थोड़ी से मुद्रा रख देते एडमीशन के टाइम पर, पर नहीं, आज मस्त इंजीनियरिंग करके ऐश करते. कल्लू लड़के को देख लो, निचजतिया रहा. अभी कामिशनरी झाड़ता है. बाप के दम नहीं रहा की ड्योढ़ी पर बैठ ले. महतारी बर्तन मांजने आती थी पर देखो अब जलवा मसकते है. और तुम बात करते हो बराबरी की, अधिकार की. इन लोंगो को खोपडिया पर चढ़ाए हो, जौन दिन सर पर मूतेंगे, तब उसी गरम मूत से तुम्हारा उद्धार होगा. चले हो नीचजतियो को पढ़ाने. अब आये हो तो चाय पी कर जाना, नहीं तो शाम को कलेवा करोगे. और सुनो माला के बारे में घर पर चर्चा करो और सब चीज़ निपटा दो, कब तक बैरागी बने बागोगे ? 

फिर से बरसात होने लगी, और साला छतरी की तीली भी टूटी है, और वोह देखो बीच में कोई पड़ा हुआ है. लगता है कोई कसके लतिया गया है. अरे माला काहे रो रही है? अब्बे हटोगे सब लोग? अरे मास्टर यह तो तुम्हारा कपार खुल गया है, मानते नहीं और हर दीवार से चल देते हो मशक्कत करने. चलो जल्दी अस्पताल. 

अब सब ठीक हो गया है, बल्लम का प्रसाद पाकर दिमाग कुछ तो हिला होगा, शायद खुल भी गया हो. पर माला ना बंद करेगी आज रोना. हम ही फीनाइल घुटकी में दबवा देंगे.

तुम यार कैसे मास्टर हो, कचराई के बाद भी मुस्करा रहे हो, और लो फिर से पानी, साला मौसम बड़ा कमीना है.

PS: Please ignore the typos. Image courtesy http://www.vinylwallart.com/images/rain_cloud.jpg

Thursday, January 19, 2012

दो धकेल !

कौउन है भैय्या भागम-भाग,
कौउन मचाये रेलम-रेल,
निपट गई है अब तो साँसे,
कोई तो मुझको दो धकेल.

जाड़ा फुदक के आ गया,
सूरज छुपा है एक ओट,
ठिठुर ठिठुर के रात है बीती,
हाथी नाचे कम्बल ओढ़.

                                                                                                                               
                                          युवराज बसेरा झोपड़ में,
                                          दांव लगाए चौपड़ में,
                                          सबको सुनाये अपनी बद्कहाई,
                                          निर्धन ने एक बनियान ना पाई.



     






इटली की तू रानी है,
    तो बुंदेला भी तो मेरा है,
  तू झांसी ना देख सकी,
      अयोध्या में मेरा रेला है.



                                 पैर जमाये कब्र में,
                                 शत्रु को ढूंढें फिरू,
                                 रथ के पहिये जाम है,
                                 अर्र्रे सरजी पेट्रोल के बहुत ज्यादा दाम है.




आओ आओ और जूझ जाओ,
किस्से किवदंती सुनाओ,
क्या बाबा, क्या गांधी,
दांत काटे, मिले ना पानी.