The Musings

 You don't care for me anymore. It is only work, which entices you. I hate watching English movies. I don't understand an iota of it. You like alcohol and, what if am not a social drinker. Don't I have my personal choice. Sometimes I wish, if could smoke, I would have done it over your face. May be I could have absolved all my sins, in that mushy cloud of smoke.

Ohh God, you want me to clean up all the dishes, maintain  the house and, to keep a sober face, in front of your parents. Sometimes, I think of you as a scum, and, if you are worth of it or not. I just hate you from the core of my heart. You know I want to say it over your face, but just that fragile personality of yours, which is yearning for love, shakes my resolutions. Someday am gonna leave you, then take your dishes to your mom and and that stupid sis of yours. They will do all that for you "Mama's Boy".

Have you ever thought, that how much I want to fight with you, but that silence Ohhh man, "The Great Silence". Do you think that, you are one of siblings of Gandhi ? Non-Violence - my @$$. He never got Nobel and now people are saying, that he was a racist. You are not even sexist, and you will get a Nobel prize for that tiny Rs. 30000 job. How can someone be so unsuccessful in life, I know you can manage it. You are good at managing unsuccessful things.

That stupid mom of yours wants me to make her a grand-mom. Do you have any dumbest thought in your mind that what will happen to me ? It takes a lot to achieve this figure. I have sacrificed Chocolates, Cakes and even Golgappas. Just one go and everything is over. No one bother to give a second look at your face, as you and I both know that, you are just okay. Also, what about the stupid 9 month pain ?

I was just thinking that Big Boss is so much full of losers. That @$$ Banti Chor was kicked out of the show, I wish if you would have been there, he at-least would have remained there for another episode. Ahhh it makes me think of Salman, Come-on, don't be jealous of him, he is manly enough and speaks his mind, what if he was not successful in his relationships, he looks so HOT.

Am feeling sleepy and see you are sleeping again, and that is why I hate you so much. You just don't want to even argue and prove me wrong.

Whatever am sleeping and I JUST LOVE YOU, ignore it, I don't know why I said it.

P.S. -  This has originated from a male mind, inspiration has been various whining sessions with male and female colleagues/friends, who are enjoying the silence of marriage. :-p

Image Courtesy : http://www.femtalks.com/relationship-marriage/how-to-calm-an-angry-wife/attachment/img_8/

Not Anymore

 

 And finally she said "Please don't call me anymore". Words stuck like a spike. So "NO MORE", indeed no more. A heavy burden accumulated over the time finds an instant release. The enormous Diasporas with the sacrilege meaning brought to an evident, but an abrupt end. It does not only bring a sense of relief but also numbness.

You wish now just if you could have anticipated it. It was there just hour-glass was missing. The instant gratification now will be remorse. You could have avoided it as you think that you are scrupulous enough for the deity. Many days have passed and still thoughts are wet with the sorrow that brings autumn rain. The profound joy which knows of your existence, still entices, but they always say "How long?" and the answer is "Not anymore".

A dark side exist within each of us, the failure to admit it, is not an acquittal. How long can you tryst with your words? One day words will surely fall back, and then you will just be succumbed to the abyss of thoughts, which will occult the venom inside you.

You remember when it rained, and she danced like no one is watching her. The drops over her eyes cast the shadows even beneath the sun. There was a minuscule auburn drop ready to fall off from her nose tip, you wish if you had been there to catch it. Even you could have identified the moist eyes, irrespective of the rain but "Not Anymore".

There was a sound close to the door, and the floor creaked. There was freshness in the air and that aroma of her was still there. You never told her about the silkiness of that thread around her neck. You were even afraid to touch it, they were jasmine or the lavender. It never occurred to you, that the lavender, does not exist anymore.

You remembered the dust trails which she left over your mind. You hear those echoes of laughter on the silliest and dumbest jokes. The adorableness for everything. She painstakingly listened to all the things accumulated in the mind and eventually she retorted to "NOT ANYMORE".

Will I live or die? OR I will live to die? "Not Anymore".

image courtesy : http://www.razorcd.com/?page_id=26

मैं संत नहीं

 

सोचने का अंत नहीं, इसलिए तो बंद है.
मन कपाल, फूटते नहीं, इसलिए तो मंद है.
जो मन समझ सका तो क्या ? वोह तन को पसंद नहीं.
हार हार, हर बार, कही इसलिए तो मंद नहीं ?

युद्ध का अनाद है, यह, शिखर पे बसा नहीं,
पातळ समेटे हुए, विदुर बना ना कही.
समंद समेटे सका, इसलिए तो बंद नहीं ?
हार हार, हर बार, कही इसलिए तो मंद नहीं ?

जो ना पुछा, वोह कहा, जो ना कहा, वोह ना रुका,
द्वन्द्ध में फंसे हुए, ढेरो धुंध है कही,
अंत निकट आ गया, इसलिए तो बंद नहीं ?
हार हार, हर बार, कही इसलिए तो मंद नहीं ?

मस्त राग अलापते, नींद में है खो गए,
स्वप्न दिस्वपन बनें, खो गए है कही,
मन निरंकार नहीं, अब अंत निकट है कही,
हार हार, हर बार, अब अंत है तो, है सही.
अंत है तो, है सही.

चाह नहीं मन की, अंत तो है, हो गया.
कम नहीं, रण सही, अब तो ख़तम हो गया.
अभिलाषा तो पूर्ण हुई, सताओ और मुझको नहीं,
हार हार, हर बार,  क्यूंकि मैं संत नहीं,
क्यूंकि मैं संत नहीं.

Image Courtesy : http://swapnilnayakphotography.wordpress.com/2009/05/

Chronicles of the Narnia

Watch out the video : Customer Complaint and then go to the Link . If you were able to do this, Kudos (Jujitsu) to you as Kudos sound like JUDO, now read the gibberish below.

For those who can't see the video or don't want to read through the link, just an outline: Video is about a guy whose expensive guitar was mishandled during a flight of United Airlines. This guy tried to get compensation from United Airlines for almost 8 months, but he was never heard. Eventually he decided to pull a 3 series musical video praising United Airlines and Airline came back to him with apologies and offered a compensation.

Service providers need continuous more "Inceptions" like above, perhaps this will motivate them to resolve things quickly, am glad that this guy invested his time in this "Paranormal Activity", otherwise most of the complaints just have no "Impetus". This reminded me an issue with "A" mobile service provider, I paid the bill but somehow the bank transaction went to "The Dark Knight", and as it always happens, that "The Money" was deducted from my account. Within a short span I had multiple calls from "The Million Dollar Baby" that "Why you have not paid the bill". To each of the "12 Angry Men", different divisions of "A" I had to explain that this is all what has happened. They asked me "To Kill A Mocking Bird" by Faxing the receipt, I did, they asked me to say "You Have Got A Mail", I did. Similar kind of "Zillion" things from multiple "Dogs of The Reservoir". I asked them, that, don't you have a consolidated case number, so that I don't have to start from zero to explain the entire thing, every-time to different "PSYCHOS" of your organization. Absolute lack of "Tryst" amongst different group of "A". After an "Armageddon" of days and multiple gist of calls, they were able to track "The Joker of Dark Knight" (transaction). I demanded an "Apology" and waiver in bill for the inconvenience caused to my "Beautiful Mind". Eventually I gained some useless local minutes (None of my GF's were local) and I said "Life is Beautiful".

This gave a paradigm shift to my thought, as "Back to the Future" someone said "One small step for man; one giant leap for mankind". If they screw you, in-turn you can ask them to "Find Nemo" in "The Shutter Island". One of my close friend was having continuous issues with network and I encouraged her, in fact dared her like Arindam do to IIM's ,that I bet you can't get money back from those cellular company guys. Just to prove her ability to take on "The Lion King" she called "A" and went "Into the Wild" for 4 hours. She was not aware that she is just being a helpless "Avataar" of Abhimanyu lost in Chakravyuh. Ohhh come-on losers, she does not "LOST" it though she succeeded in getting a cash back on her bill. Respect: "Jhansi ki Rani", you need to teach normal people how to fight for their rights in the "Fight Club" otherwise "There will be Blood".

I was quite happy with my "Tryst's" till I met "A Few Good Men" who lived in "No Country for Old Men". They had a persistent issue with the cellular service provided and these guys were capable of convincing the cellular morons almost "Any Given Sunday" for a waiver in their bills. These guys were the real "Desperado".

Epilogue : Finishing off the post as I am just being "A Manchurian Candidate" I request all of you to "Redeem the Shawshank".

Rakhi-Brother

Nice topic ? Let's see. 

So I was in school  and as always in every story, there are girls so there were a few. Used to have lots of interaction with one of them. Had a huge crush on her, and one fine day she says with a stride of pride to other girls "Ashish is just like my younger brother". Can't tell how stung I was and almost on the verge of tears. Of-course it was one of those first crush who crushed me, but what the hell, is brother the only thing left in this universe? So the time was for a policy that "dude you are not supposed to make sis anywhere, just avoid it and run away from it".

There is a funny pledge which we recite at school; it has a line "All Indians are my brothers and sisters". Man whom you are going to marry? Someone not from India? We changed this line and tuned it to "All Indians are my brothers and YOUR sisters”:-P.

One fine day I was conversing with a junior of mine and she said about a particular guy that he is "Rakhi-Brother". Okay so you guys are not bonded by that thick blood lineage but there were similarities between you or you adored each other and were so much emotionally bonded that you thought to give the relationship a name. Kool, nothing bad about it. Appreciate your feelings and wish you a nice future.

This Rakhi-Brother was a rage when I was a student and I believe it is still a rage which came to my knowledge when I was talking to one of my cousin studying in 10th class (mentioned in the earlier blog).

An incident to share, there were Rakhi Bro-Sis in my school had a very congenial relationship and everyone thought about them as bro-sis. Now they are living happily as a married couple. So what was it?  I will not pass any judgment on this. Friendship/Bro-Sis/Love should be distinguishable. Friendship more or less can transform into love but Bro-Sis can not. Guys please don't be confused and if by any chance you are, please don't get into Rakhi relationship.

 

When my younger brother was in school and I realized that he is grown up, I thought to have conversation with him about the relationships. I put it boldly "Boss never make a sis in school". He asked me why ? I said this is the purest form of relationship and just for the rogue you should not do it, when you are not capable enough to carry the relationship for long-term. Also, once you are into this, there is a no way out. You have to carry this relationship with utmost sincerity and forever. He got the point and remained very judicious, there are times when he is not stupid and this was at-least one of them.

This reminded me of another guy. This guy was a very decent, witty and humorous. I met him first time when I came to join my first job. For the time being I will refer him as Mr. "H". So Mr. H was in desperate need of sis, even though he had 4 sis at home. He had sis in every corner of the country and he will just not stop having sisters. I was like dude, is this some kind of Ashwamedh Yagya that every part of the territory where you place your feet must be surrounded by your sisters. At workplace also he developed a bro-sis relationship with a girl and it was looking like his winning stride will not stop at all. One fine day, I just told him "You moron, don't you understand the seriousness of this relationship and do you have any idea about your ability of carrying this relationship?" Bingo - He got it, and this was the quickest when one can get  a reason. This guy aborted his Yagya at that very moment and since then he is maintaining the same count of sisters, so standard deviation must have been zero over the past 4 years, sorry mate I know you are reading this but you were an inspiration.
Also we used to call these kinds of guys as "Jagat Bhaiyya" later we shortened it to "Jags".

I think every now and then you come across "Jags". Please don't be one.

I know about the historical incidents when Krishna came to rescue Draupadi, or when Rani Karnavati just asked Humayun to help him against the invasion of Bahadur Shah, these were not the Blood Relations but they exemplified how holy a relationship can be. Will close with high regards and respect for this relationship and an advice that take due care and diligence when you are tying a thread as it is not a mere thread but a life long promise.

Anyways they say :

“A gentle heart is tied with an easy thread.”

Image courtesy : http://www.fotosearch.com/photos-images/rakshabandhan.html

Teens!

Today is independence day of India. Am thinking what to post ? Lemme share a small anecdote with you.

Just like a month ago I made a trip to India. Took the only train between Delhi-Rewa and was sitting there quite peacefully. Front berth was occupied by a lady with her daughter. Lady was in mid-40's. Now I have got an acute habit of observing people so there I am pretending to read and observing them through corner of my eyes. So these are the facts which I collected after overhearing the conversations over lady's mobile. They were going for a marriage. The girl was the scholar of one of the prestigious boarding school at Gwalior. She was accompanying her mom to the marriage also, spending her summer vacations with family. All of a sudden there I see that the train took a halt and an arrow, out from nowhere, comes through the window and hits a Daddu kind of a person. When I look around, am at some High Valley amongst the mountains and there Daddu is lying in the pool of blood.

Ohh comeon guys was just messing with you to check if you are really reading this or not.

Anyways, so I kept on hearing the conversations while staring at my book. The lady was talking to her son, this guy is studying in Delhi and doing CA finals, I guess loads of work and night outs were hurting his mom, (That is how mothers are) so she was just asking him to take care of health and not to work hard. The conversation eventually went to the girl. Here the gentle mom was asking her son not to talk about "all this" to his sister as he may lose the respect of his sister if things comes out open. She was also emphasizing that she will take care and make her (the girl) understand. Also, that none of this was her fault it was all because of her some stupid friend who is into all this (why friends get blamed for every oddity as if the person in question is no-brainier). Now I was at-least able to understand the gist of the conversation. The girl who just moved into 10th standard perhaps was having affair with some guy. And that poor kid was caught by her parents.

 I have a cousin and she came to meet me during this vacation. Last when I saw her was like 3-4 years back. She moved to 10th standard and gosh she looks pretty and smart. I can clearly see the difference of her opinion on almost each and every thing which her parents tell her to do. I was just worried and afraid about her, so just spent time with her mostly listening to her and daily occurrence of issues which she faces. I came across the pressure about social stigmas these kids face.

Here onwards what I felt that there is HUGE generation gap. Right now this is generation Z+10th and evolving exponentially with respect to time. There are i-pods on the ears and fashion magazines in hand, those things which were like awed stuff during our time. So I was just thinking was it the girl's fault that she likes/loves someone ? She is just a kid and will go to someone who will shower her with emotions. At this time just I think that parents need to spend lots of time with their children. There are emotional needs of every child and when a child returns from a school or from a class he/she is sometimes excited,worried or in tears and, that child just needs to be heard by a patient ear. If YOU have not that patient ear you are losing him/her day by day, and you don't have the right of complaining, when someday your child surprises you by something clandestine. 

This may not be a reason always but I think that this is one of the primary reason.

There was a purpose when I was sharing this anecdote, is there an end ? Naah. Just I will like you to think and watch out for the troubled teens. If you think that there are any, just give sometime to them, try to understand their needs. Time has changed a lot and sometimes we really don't understand what is kool, what is not, OR what is Hap, and what is non-hap.

Just Keep an eye around and don't let teens be submerged, at-least Alice had a wonderland.

Signing Out! Ghost going for the sleep.

Image courtesy : http://www.corbisimages.com/Enlargement/42-16836626.html

The Body Shots

Few months back I got an invite for a regular office party. This party was in honor of a fellow colleague who was going to get married THIRD time to the same guy (Yes I meant thrice ). Please don't get confused, first was the Christian Wedding (in US), second was the Polish Wedding (in Poland) and third was going to be the Indian Wedding (in Bangalore).

Anyways the party started and slowly all were in deep alcoholism and things became cranky and loud.

All of a sudden a fellow lady asks me "Ash, have you ever taken Body Shots ?".

I said "I don't have any idea about them". 

She says "Oh..Really, lemme teach you". 

I was like okay it is something fun I should try it. Now she called bartender for the lemon wedges and tequila. Tequila I declined (Maa ko diya hua vaada...LOL) and I pulled up the glass of cranberry juice. She said this is what you will have to do (Am writing it point wise for the ignorant people like me to get a better understanding of body shot).

1.  Sprinkle salt over the Lady Neck.

2. Lick the salt from neck of the lady (WOW) and then take the drink in one shot.

3. Lady will hold the wedge of lime in her mouth. Take the lemon from Lips of Lady and suck. (The Lemon.....you pervert).

4. Some people who like close hugs can move forward from this point.

This cycle completes the so called body shot. Now being a novice at this I followed two steps diligently but for the third step I was just going to pull out the Lemon Wedge from her lips and she touched my lips with hers. I was taken aback, surprised at this and pulled myself off from this activity following the sense of official party.

As the party was in full blow, there comes another colleague of mine, who was quite interested in the HOT lady mentioned above. He started inquiring her about the body shots and so now they are experimenting in front of all colleagues. They had 5 Body Shots  and the last one was provoking for all of us with their lips locked and bodies held close. All laughing and partying (aroused) leave for the day.

Next day @office: 

The HOT lady is wearing a scarf around her neck, comes to my desk removing her scarf, and with a note of sexiness "Ash, see what has happened here" and I see a Red LOVE Bite over her neck (where continuously salt was sprinkled and licked) . 

I started laughing hysterically and said "So you are paid off for the desultory".

Her remark with a note of anxiety, fear and dilemma was, "My husband is gonna kill me, when he sees this", Another colleague aces her remark "Oh... he won't, if you are able to catch his LOVE Bites".

Leaving the post at this moment to let you imagine the expression over her face and will request to leave the comment that what expression you thought of.

Also for my alcohol lover friends : Wiki Body Shot

The "Yaap" Effect - PART - I

I regular converse with a Junior of mine. He says that you pour a lot of SENTIYaap. Eventually when someone is really emotional (Emosanal these dayz after Dev D), we term it as being Senti and "SentiYAAP Machana".

I was raised in the heart of India, which is really a nagri of GALI's (curses) and I am fond of using Gali's . I just love them. Just dwell into your mind (Not gals...you can't even think of the Senti content behind the regular curses) and imagine your long lasting friend saying be******D to you. If this will not return a smile, write that be*******D to me. I will smile.

Eventually over the time the regular gali's and the word got a YAAP-effect over them. Go to any of the instis...Please let it be engineering one (they are the original weirdos and all behind these shits. This has been runnin in the veins of all the generations and more to follow) perhaps you will stumble upon a lotta YAAP words.

Ask an idle guy..going through AOE (Age of Empires) or a really engaging session of CS (Counter Strike) or Warcraft, "be******D kaha joojh raha hai?" the answer will be "Nothing yaar just FOKIYAAP" . This resembles the idleness of the guy, the FOKI's etymology lies in the root of Marathis, where FOKAT means - Free of cost. This fokat over the time was shorten by the guys and became FOKI. Believe me whatever am pouring over here is a part of my own FOKIYAAP.

Another one is the CHUTIYAAP, really the word Chutiya in itself is huge and when we go towards the mythological findings we may fine the explicit use of it. I believe some of the GOD must have said this to any Devil (Rakshas) - "Abbe CHUTIYAAP na machao, kalti karo (must be during samudra-manthan)". This word is even used in Hyderabad which I just confirmed with my roomie. Now here are the few sentences which you may hear every now and then.....

A guy always senti for a gal - "Bandi ne CHUTIYAAP" macha ke rakha hai".
A guy after the exam - "Kya CHUTIYAAP paper tha bhai, kasam se ..LE LI".
Even we dont spare weather - "Subah se CHUTIYAAP macha ke rakha hai barish ne".
I don't know how come the MACHANA word got associated with the CHUTIYAAP, but I believe that when some CHUTIYAAP is involved you can only "MACHAO" that.


I have got more on this...that's why terming this as PART-I. If 'janta' likes this then I will pour more over this. It's night and am feeling like "PONDIYAAP", and dat too "BHAKKAM" hence, will come back later...

Dream On....

Once again am here to create my own space. Sometimes I dream, sometimes I remember and sometimes I forget. When I remember those dreams, I always try to interpret the hidden meaning behind them. No.....don't even think that I have read Sigmund Freud (Interpretation of Dreams), they are just dreams and I treat them my way.

Long back in Kolkata, the first day when I shifted to a new place (I lived almost for 2 years at this place), I had a dream. I saw a friend of mine as a ghost, I was aghast, and shivering with the sensation of it. That moment only I started wandering that, why did I saw this dream, it never came back though. I tried to derive the meaning out of it, that is this a warning ? or some kind of a message that the future will deliver. I thought over it many times, I laughed that its not possible, that person can't be a ghost. Eventually I forgot it completely.

Later stages, I had my share of turmoils in life and it was up to some extent due to association with the same person. I languished for the same, and I realized that the dream was entirely true. It was indeed a warning which I let pass. It was clearly indicated to me that this person will haunt you. I should have given due weightage to that dream of mine. Anyways over the time my close friends keep reminding that, am a nagger, who always keep feeding dirt to the past. Henceforth I will not shovel more that why I didn't followed my conscience.

I quit smoking. It's almost around 7 months. Yesternite in sleep, I saw myself smoking. This was the second time that I saw myself smoking in dream. In dream I even, cursed myself after smoking, that why I did it and once again am back to this stupid stuff. I was also craving to smoke in the dream. A few months back I was in Germany, there people used to smoke anywhere, everywhere. I was just scolding myself that, why didn't I waited for more time to quit.

Over the time, I don't feel like smoking any more. I don't even know that smoking falls into my hidden desires or not ? I am still rambled with the dream, what it was signifying ?

Was it signifying the burnt desires or the ashes over time ?
May be it was signifying the ones who let themselves burnt for the salvage of mine ?
Was it saying me to to go back in the clouds of smoke so that I can't see any faces ?
Was it showing me, the all rest, no more pieces,the destiny of mine ?

PAPER-PLANES

All I wanna do is (BANG BANG BANG BANG!)

This is just a part of the lyrics of a song in Slumdog Millionaire,"Paper Planes" . First about the movie...I watched it first time online, okay ! what's so incrdible ? (Actually I watched it really with sleeping eyes.) Second time I again watched it (I had too, as it won so many awards and I had to see if its worth it). Definitely the movie is good and portrays some of the basic humanism found in the street of mumbai.

This second time made me hooked to the soundtrack of the music. It's fabulous, am not going to write about all that, but only about the one "Paper-Planes". Great lyrics and it was originally written by Mathangi "Maya" Arulpragasam(M.I.A), better there is an acronym for the name, as a few can spell it. Am listening even to the song while writing all this crap.

There is a statement underneath the song (My strong belief is, feeling for any song or poem or any stuff varies from person to person. This may be termed as the product of "state of mind in which an individual is".) I am attached to the song. I don't want to care for the world, want to be a Jack and a Master in all trades (notorious ones). The Paper-Planes reminds me of all the things which I wanted to do and still want to do.

A lady who sits besides me at workplace(overheard the song N times) asked me so it's Paper-Planes again ? I just smiled, we all know about the "Paper-Planes", atleast we were supposed to know.

The Paper-Planes were the things of childhood, there were many methods to make them,.I remember the Rockets (folding the paper and using a rubber band to shoot it over people). These Paper-Planes represented the freedom which we had. This we exercised by making the planes land over to the pretty gals in the class.

Why we don't take the life in a same manner. Are there enough of quandaries which we can't solve ? We missed a lot of Paper Planes, we make them again, every time with a new hope, this one will fly and this one will fly to the flyiest(the new term for the apogee - highest attainable).

The childhood gleamed with what we all wanted to do, the freedom which a Plane exercised over the landing. The Planes never cared about the landing in the forbidden area, irrespective of the direction of flying. The forbidden area reminds me of the "Forbidden Apple", which eventually helped for the Paradise Lost.

Let's start building the same Paper-Planes and pursue the forbidden, a few may have "The Paradise" with them, what about those who don't have any but only "Papers.....for the Plane"

"I fly like paper, get high like planes,
If you catch me at the border I got visas in my name,
If you come around here, I make 'em all day,
I get one down in a second if you wait "

Driver from India

I landed in US just 10 days ago. Right now am in Waukegan, this is close to Chicago. Public transportation is not available and when its cold here it's always sub-zero temperature.
Without a car you can't imagine life here. It's necessary.

I was trying to rent a car from almost 3-4 days, but was unable to do so. It was all because of dependency. I haven't driven a car in a road with a lot of traffic. Till now my experience with car was riding them on a plain playing ground or mostly on a road without traffic. Total experience of driving adding all may lead upto an hour.

Due to the dependency I was trying to get help from any of my colleague, so that they may drive with me upto the renting enterprise and then I may drive back under their guidance. Once you are in US or any onsite, people are helpful only if they know you. This has been my personal experience. I asked one of my colleague to accompany me. he was busy, another one just gave me a vague reply which am still unable to comprehend. One colleague agreed to take me to the place, there we waited for 30 mins, had coffee, eventually my car arrived. At this time my colleague said he got to leave, I really got irritated, I said fine.

Here I was now, 0 experience of driving and in one of the busiest traffic city I was going to try a car. I thought fine, worst I will bang someone's car so I will do it. I started it slowly and reached at the place where I had to cross the road to take a turn left. There was a divider, the left and right side of the road were not on same level. I overlooked and well my one tire was hanging on the other side of divider and rest three on the other side. Now I was pushing peddle to move forward it wasn't (thank god that it didn't else it would have really damged the vehicle) and it was not even moving backwards. I came out in a thinking mode what to do. I was not carrying cell (I dont have one till now). I was wondering what to do? I thought let Police Patrol come by, may be they will fine me but atleast they will take the car outta shit. Suddenly two man, came from nowhere and give me a helping hand. One of them said that put the vehicle in reverse, and we will push the car from front. I asked one of the man to steer the vehicle as I lost confidence which I was trying to build. He did it for me. We pushed the vehicle and it came out at last. I was already shaken by this and now I was supposed to take the car back to my office (Abbott).

I started driving really carefully, looking at each and everything, then also I think I missed a lotta rules. I tried to configure my GPS for the office (Abbott) but was unable to do so, later my friend told me that Abbott map is not available in GPS. Now I lost the track entirely, I was really slow, people were honking horns and I was always in the wrong lane. I was unable to stop the vehicle in between as I was worried of the huge traffic behind me. Finally at a place where traffic was somewhat less I reconfigured the GPS for my home address, the GPS showed the direction and I started for the way, real long way.

Very slowly, getting instructions from GPS and violating a lot of rules, I didn't even used indicator anywhere. GPS said for a left turn, I took it, then I realised I took it early. Retraced the whole path again, took the next turn left, GOD this was again wrong, retraced the same path again. Now I was in the right direction. Really slowly finally I reached my destination.

This was kind of stupid for me, as I really violated many rules and this could have been a loss of life or anything serious, am still shaken for this. I think I enjoyed it but, there was thrill am still shaken while writing this, but I will consider this as my achievement. Driving when you never drive.

Thrill of Life

This is the mail which I posted to my college group.

Hi Group,

There was a line in movie Hitch "Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take. Life is measured by the moments that take our breath away."

Just commenting on the thrills of the life, how many of us are succumbed to the monotonous and routine life ? Are we people bringing enough changes in life? Are there ample spices indeed in our life?

Asking here a big question to all of you, do you had the moments which took your breath away ? or some of us are still waiting for those moments to happen in our life. Lemme tell, for those who had their share of breath taking moments a real applause. You really faced something n lemme tell you it makes you a better human being whether they were happy moments or not.

Mine has been with a lot of changes in the past few months, bruised, attacked, had been a pure soul, had been wid a devil inside me. It had been awsome overall when I look back. Am still struggling to get the track of the things (please stop the curiousities over here), but yeah I am better human being and more honest.

I am having really a few good friends and with them I learned a lot. One of them said to me while we were having some silly philosphical discussions, that why do you think that you lost something in your life? why dont you take it as you have gained also the things which other's haven't.

I concluded while analyzing the happy moments n sorrowful moments (as we distinguish things), that the nature creates balance, kaise bhi...If you get something at the same time you loose something and vice verse. It's just we always consider the gaining part in happiness n losing is really not in our character.

The thrill part, I found thrills in doing the things which are forbidden. This has been intercepted to me since childhood, I try my best to get away from the norms. I enjoyed like hell, I grieved like hell, had multiple scenarios in my mind, still rambling wid a few of them. When I just think its a lot of junk, but it helps in metamorphosis and Goddamn am learning and still learning.

Getting back to the thrill, try living life to the edge, if everything is balanced try creating some imbalances and please do what you have always wanted to do. Life has a lot to offer, and its just one single life. If you can please share your thrills as well. Go for adventure, drink like anything (but maintain capability to leave it anytime), keep multiple gf's bf's ( You should not cheat as well, difficult but thrilling and appaling), whatever. Keep calling people names, keep distubing your colleagues (maintaining balance). Not all of us are capable of bringing disturbance to this nature. Lets try it !

Someone said it right "Life is a series of strange and mysterious things, one minute you think you're up, the next you find you're down"

Keep writing....

Luv

Devil Ashu

Will always be present !

तुम नही तो क्या ? हम उपस्थित है ।
तुम नही तो क्या ? फिर भी अर्पित है ।
हमसे या ख़ुद से भयभीत न हो ।
आज भी हम वही है, जो कभी थे।

तुम सोचो मत की सब परिवर्तित हुआ,
यही होना था बस आभास न हुआ।
समय तब भी था, अब भी है,
आज भी हम वही है, जो कभी थे।

मन से शंका निकल दो,
तुम ध्रिणा ना होगे, तब भी हम है,
जब हम ऋण होंगे, तब तुम होगे।
धीरे धीरे सब कट जायेगा,
थोडी सी पीडा, अवश्य दे जायेगा।

आभास है हमें, हम महत्वपूर्ण है,
तुम्हारे बिना थोड़े से अपूर्ण है।
पूर्ण होना उचित नही,
थोडी से कमी विचित्र ही सही।

अब साथ तो दूँगा नही, इसलिए स्वतंत्र रहो,
मेरे लिए अब और प्रश्न न करो।
लिखित मन तुम्हारे लिए नही, हमारे लिए है,
पर प्रश्न सिर्फ़ मेरे लिए नही।
उत्तर की प्रतीक्षा ना करो, बस अब उन्मुक्त रहो।

मुझे सहानुभूति नही अच्छे विचार चाहिए,
तुम नही तो क्या?
मेरा पूरा संसार है और,
मुझे पूरा की पूरा चाहिए।

Longing for the past.

मस्तिष्क पटल में तुम्ही अंकित हो ।
अब भी मेरे लिए समर्पित हो।
सिर्फ मैंने परिपक्वता का रुप देखा।
तुमने मुझे मगरूर देखा ।

अब भी तुम्हे कभी कभी याद करते है,
उन क्षणों का ध्यान करते है।
कितनी प्रतीक्षा करवाता था मैं,
कितना अपने भाग्य पे इठलाता था मैं।

लाड प्यार को अधिकार सा समझा,
तुम्हारे प्यार को समझ के भी ना समझा ।
क्षण तुम्हारे साथ व्यतीत करने का मन तो था,
पर मस्तिष्क को यकीन दिलाने का बहाना ना था।

उन क्षणों को ध्यान करता हूँ,
आज भी उसी घेरे के इर्द गिर्द अपने को पता हूँ।
निर्भीक मैं कभी था नही,
ह्रदय में रहते हुए भी जिव्हा पे आया ना कभी।

चाहो तो इसे अंहकार समझो,
चाहो तो इसे प्यार समझो।

बस..........

रात के साए में,
अंधेरों कि गहराई में,
बस.....

फिर लालिमा छाई,
पर यहा क्यों घटायें आई,
बस.......

हमेशा कि तन्हाई,
मेरी या तेरी रुसवाई,
बस.........

समुन्दर कि गहराई,
बादलों कि उचाई,
बस.........

नशे में मगरूर,
क्या तेरा क्या मेरा कसूर,
बस..........

बस एक बार और प्याला दे दो,
आख़िरी बार इस विष को पीने दो।

प्रयास

कुछ कुछ पुराना है,
कुछ कुछ आज के एहसास,
बस हमेशा मैं करता रह मैं प्रयास।

तुम तो मेरे आस पास थे,
आज भी ह्रदय लगाए हुए है आस,
जब जब स्मरण होंगे, शायद शब्द बिखरेंगे,
आंसुओं में भीगे हुए क्षण पीघलेंगे।

बस इसीलिये है यह अत्य्सधारण सा प्रयास,
इसे अल्पविराम देना ही उचित होगा,
अंततः सब कुछ मेरा ही तो होगा।

Ahankaar Tumhi ho

Hum jab jab darpan dekhe, tab tum dikho,
Hum jab jab saanse le tab tum milo,
Hum pal pal kaatein tum kshan kshan,

Mera ahankaar tum hi ho,
Is hriday ka nirantar pyaar tumhi ho.

Patte girte hamne dekha,
Patjhad to tumse hi seekha,
Sawan barse badal garje,
Rituein badli tum na badle,

Mera ahankaar tum hi ho,
Is hriday ka nirantar pyaar tumhi ho.

Prem Tumhi ne Kiya?


paristhiti ne patit sa jeevan kar diya,
aviralta se tab mera hriday bhar gaya,
phir bhi kehte ho ki prem tumhi ne kiye,

prastut kiya maine apne mun ko,
tumne bhi maana is jeevan ko,
phir bhi kehte ho ki prem tumhi ne kiye,

kal tak raatein roshan thi, sab mere saath the,
ab din mein saaye tak nahi, sirf kshanbhangur se aaghat hai,
phir bhi kehte ho ki sirf tumhe pyaar hai,

socha milkar baatein hongi, kuch tumse mulakatein hogi,
khali khali hriday se, amrit ki pyaas thi,
phir bhi kehte ho ki sirf tumhe pyaar ki aas thi?

You Were Mine

There has been a time when everything was mine,
There has been a time when days were not empty,
There has been a time when the morning was mine,
There has been a time when sights were not empty.

The days started betraying me,
Even the nights languished for me,
All stars fell apart,
But they couldn't replace my heart.

The way you have been nice,
We tried for the fire and ice,
The mystery still finds the place in you,
I wish I could displace you.

There has been a deep perception,
You thought to have a negotiation,
All there was in the twilight,
Found no one to the extent of my delight.

There has been a sense of soul long back,
Now the senses are diminishing,
You pray to the almighty,
Never back to the act of flourishing.

For all the reasons I never felt before,
For all the reasons I never shed the tear,
For all the reasons I never had a heart,
For all the reasons finally we set apart.

LOVE KILLS

And each man kills the thing he loves,

By all let this be heard,

Some do it with a bitter look,

Some with a flattering word,

The coward does it with a kiss,

The brave man with a sword.

Lines taken from 'The Valkyries' by Paulo Cohelo.